dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
