I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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