Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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