Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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