it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
that's an acceptable place to lick
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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