I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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