false alarm. still invincible.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
