Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
