There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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