I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
birth control should be required to get into college
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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