the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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