Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
