I hate your face
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I did not marry a roomba.
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