and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
