K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize