Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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