Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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