Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
