piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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