Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
