is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
