I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
