I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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