Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
