And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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