Need sex. Gaining weight.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
