It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Everclear isn't food dammit
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize