i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
