found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
