Kareoke will never be a sober sport
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
