You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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