ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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