Kiss
Puke
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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