Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
