I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
