Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
