I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize