you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize