I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
