So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
