I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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