I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize