Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
