i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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