The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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