I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
