I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
