So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You may now shotgun with the bride
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
