Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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