Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
