this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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