with your own penis?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
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