So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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