The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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