dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize