Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I still have a little drunk in my system
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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