There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
