I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
