sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
