Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
