Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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