The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
