Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
