That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
