I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
