I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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