when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
