I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
