You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
