There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
